Marshmallows
by Shimbashi
Summary: It was just a normal day in lairs until ...


Dudes & Dudettes! Kudos for my co-writer astrau, who is still a prisoner/guest of the lair (but idea of the fic still is mine and mine alone!). We both dedicate this humorous piece to the wonderful blogger and writer Sleepingseeker who inspired me with her unimaginably wonderful fic Orenji!

Marshmallows

It was a normal day in the turtle's lair. Donatello, singing contentedly, was tinkering with his notebook trying to modify the Stuxnet virus in hopes of destroying the Kraang mainframe one day. Raphael, after completely demolishing the training dummy, mounted an armchair and was reading a children's comic book in his lap. Leo (what is new?) was watching Space Heroes reruns, simultaneously dreaming about a certain aggressive Japanese beauty. Master Splinter was supposedly meditating in his private quarters and piece was reigning supreme on earth.

"Something's not quite right," said the turtle's fearless leader suddenly, after a commercial break destroyed the best moment of his favorite episode as well as his mood. "It's too quiet, isn't it, guys?"

Guys nodded wisely. They all were experienced turtles. And they all were too well acquainted with the expression 'calm before the storm'.

"Something's not right," Donnie muttered, made a little mistake in his code and accidentally infected the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. "We are missing something."

Raph, the most straightforward of brothers, knew where to look for the source of evil.

"Where is Mikey?" he asked and frowned. "Damn, where is he?"

They looked worriedly at each other, counted each other's heads and found that they were short of one person or rather turtle. Mikey was nowhere to be seen.

"Sensei doesn't like when Mikey leaves the lair alone," said the oldest of turtles. "He is the magnet for trouble and said trouble likes to come and bite not only his own, but our all collective asses."

"Too true," said Donnie wisely, oblivious to the fact that he just became an instigator of the largest financial crisis in the history of USA.

"Should we start to worry?" asked Raph. "Should we look for him?"

"Definitely," answered their leader. "ASAP."

Fortunately, their rescue plans were interrupted by the cheerful:

"Dudes! Guess what I found!"

The collective sigh of exasperation was heard even in Splinter's quarters.

"Please, not again," Donnie rolled his eyes. "I hope it's not Leatherhead's forgotten cousin." He was definitely not the biggest fan of the overgrown reptile. He still felt phantom pains on his face.

"Wrong!" Mikey smiled contentedly. "Guess again!"

"Again? Hmm… It's not the prototype of the silicone rechargeable batteries that the Kraang has stolen from the Japanese researches? Or," there was a hope in Donnie's voice,"... is it?"

Everybody blinked. Mikey blinked twice. Nobody, just nobody could ever hope to understand the convoluted thought processes of their home grown genius.

"No?"

"Maybe he found Karai. Wounded, miserable and heartbroken Karai who just got expelled from the Foot clan and found refuge in the sewers," Raph smirked, shooting meaningful glances at his older brother.

"Maybe he found your long lost sense of humor, brother," Leo bristled. "Naa, that's just wishful thinking!"

"Am I missing something, dudes?" Mikey pouted.

"All the time!"

"Well," Mikey just shrugged. "Nobody guessed correctly. You, bros, just lack imagination! Well," his face took a condescending expression. "I can give you a hint! It's not a person, it's not a weapon. It's a yummy thing!"

"Pizza," groaned his brothers all at once. Mikey blinked uncomprehendingly.

"Why pizza?"

"Because," said Donnie pointedly, "it is always pizza."

"And here you are wrong! It's not…"

"Plain pizza?" Raph smirked. "Is it pizza sprinkled with chocolate?"

"Or marzipan coated pizza with pieces of Chinese smelly fruit durian?" Leo inserted his own opinion. "Or something even less edible? We believe in you, Mikey, you are quite capable in finding the most impossible pizza combination."

"Dudes, you are totally wrong! This time it is something else entirely!"

And as an amateur magician wishing to impress his audience the youngest turtle pulled his hands from behind his back with a flourish.

"Ta da!"

Brothers surrounded him from all sides. In Mikey's hands were nested cozily four big fluffy things.

"So what is it?" Donnie looked with interest at feathery blobs.

"Guess?"

"That's … marshmallows?"

"Yeah!" Mikey even closed his eyes in pleasure. "Yummy things!"

"Give me!" Raph snatched one of the blobs from the hands of his brother and shoved it into his mouth.

"It is the first marshmallow in my life," he said dreamily. "I have to prolong this moment."

"Marshmallows," Donnie took one of the balls in his hands. "When I was participating in the community 'Adventurous Cooking for Geeks", I've read that marshmallows are good for brain activity…"

"And rot your teeth!" said Raph dryly. "But who cares?" And then he took the bite.

"How does it taste like?" asked Leo warily. Nobody knew that he started to share a love/hate relationship with marshmallows after the episode 159 of 'Space Heroes' where one of the great true love interests of captain Ryan lost her life in a tragic accident involving said sticky substance, fallen out dental fillings and choking.

"Unusual," said Raph, chewing vigorously.

"I thought it would taste more…sugary?"

"Yeah…It's not sugary at all. It tastes rubber…ly?"

Leo took a bite himself.

'Strange… I would swear it tastes exactly like…"

He was interrupted by excited Raph.

'Where did you find 'em?"

"Yes, Mikey, where?" seconded the geekiest of turtles. "Manhattan Mall? Garden State Plaza? Aunty Xiao colonial goods store?"

„Actually, I…"

„Did you steal it?"

Mikey looked flabbergasted.

"I…"

"It is a slippery slope, my son," said their silent as shadow Master appearing unexpectedly behind their backs. "Once you've chosen the wrong path, it is very difficult to turn back. Don't forget, my children, that even Oroku Saki was not so long ago just a sweet and obedient child. And then he started to steal his neighbor's daikon from the vegetable garden…"

The giant rat looked pointedly at Mikey who started to wave his hands in denial.

"Where did you find it?" turtle's sensei was relentless.

"In the sewers. Under the Columbus Avenue!"

"Columbus Avenue, you say?" Raphael and Donnie changed worried looks.

"Two days ago we've noticed suspicious Kraang activity not far from that place…"

"You don't think?"

"I do!"

And then Leo, still munching of his piece of treat, just blurted to the whole world to hear:

"Now I remember what it tastes like! It tastes like a bug!"

Turtles and their sensei were speechless. The first who came out of his stupor was Splinter, who once upon a time had been a human and still remembered some humanly things.

"Give me this…marshmallow, Mikey!"

"Of course, sensei, I was going to… I brought one for everybody!"

"How considerate of you, my son," said the great ninja Master sarcastically. "By the way, I would advise you not to collect unknown substances in the sewers, even if they look completely innocent and edible."

"Hai, sensei!"

Splinter rotated the fluffy blob in his fingers and sighed.

"It is most definitely some kind of bug. A giant one. Unknown species. Mutated species?"

"A…a bug?" came from distressed Raph. "Like a … roach?"

Donnie stood in front of his sensei and scrutinized the faux marshmallow closely.

"It's not a roach. It is most likely a wooly aphid. Although the wooly aphids I've heard about are much smaller and not so …wooly."

"It is a wooly what?" Raph wanted to puke. His mouth was full of ickiest bug.

"Wooly aphid. A sucking insect that lives on plant fluids and produces a filamentous waxy white covering which resembles cotton or wool."

"Wow! Filamentous? I can't even pronounce it!" Mikey was ecstatic.

"Shut up, Mikey! I ate a ..roach!"

"A wooly aphid!"

"Still a bug, a bug!"

"If you liked it, I can bring you more! There're a lot of them in the tunnel."

"How many are a lot of them?" asked Leo.

"Thousands? Millions?"

"I've never seen a specimen of such proportions…" Donnie's scientific mind just plowed ahead. If we collect them and bring them here…"

"Bring them here?!" Splinter's pointy ears started to twitch in anger. He glanced at his favorite tree he used to sit under and meditate and then at his irresponsible sons.

"These are the plant sucking bugs, am I correct?" he asked Donnie. His eye flashed dangerously.

"Yeah, but we are dealing with a possible scientific breakthrough there," Donnie tried to object. "If it is the consequence of a mutagen we're dealing with, then we could…"

"No more words, my sons!" Rat sensei interrupted his cleverest son with a dismissing gesture. His face's expression was grim. "I have a mission for you! Go and exterminate these bugs! Don't take any prisoners! The green parks of our beautiful city are under threat!"

"Banzai!" Raph yelled like an ancient samurai hell bent on vengeance. "My favorite kind of mission – bug extermination!" And then he hopped over the turnstiles and disappeared from view.

"Well, nothing to do," Donnie hung down his head. "Master's orders." With bo in his hand he followed his older brother.

"What d'you think, Leo," asked the youngest troublemaker dreamily. "We've eaten these mutated bugs. Maybe, who knows, we'd transform into giant butterflies? And I'll call us turtleflies?"

Leo shuddered quite noticeably.

"I just hope we won't be eaten by these giant butterflies." He checked his own weapons and with Mikey in tow disappeared in the darkness of the sewers. Master Splinter, looking at his departing sons' backs, nodded approvingly. And thus ends the story about the most ordinary day in the turtle's lair life.


End file.
